First let’s define the word narcissism: “Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one's idealized self image and attributes” (Wikipedia) . A narcissist uses others as supply to feed their ego. Often they show the outside world that they have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. However, internally, behind this mask of extreme confidence, lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
The egotistical facade is their shield, protection, and armor that keeps them from getting hurt. They constantly have their walls and boundaries up, because they feel they need to protect themselves from the outside world. They are scared to be vulnerable and let others in. They are slow to trust - if they actually learn to trust others at all. Often this comes from their own pain from childhood so their narcissistic actions lie within their subconscious. They were so hurt at a young age that they do everything they can to never be hurt again.
When a parent has narcissistic tendencies, unfortunately this trickles into the parent/child relationship causing the children to grow up feeling unloved, criticized and devalued. This is a very complicated topic, so let’s dig deeper.
When we are born, our same-sex parent tends to be our first love. They introduce us to life, to the world, and to ourselves. We learn about ourselves and the world through interactions with our same-sex parent with ages zero to seven having the most impact on our subconscious traits. Girls usually look up to their mothers as role models. Boys look up to their fathers. Ironically, Narcissistic mothers tend to prefer their sons and narcissistic fathers prefer their daughters. The same-sex child is often abused and treated without empathy.
How our parents empathize with our wants, needs and feelings informs us who we are and that we have value. It is innate to long for their physical and emotional nourishment, protection and support. If a parent is not empathetic, compassionate, kind, understanding and tender, a child’s psychological development may be damaged.
Here are a a few characteristics a child may have when raised by a narcissistic mother/father:
has derived self-worth solely from their achievements
has no sense of themselves, their wants, needs or goals
can’t identify and value their emotional needs
doesn’t know how to meet their own needs
unable to nurture and comfort themselves
a complete doormat
chronically blames themselves for everything even when it is not their fault.
longs for warmth and understanding, emotional, comfort, closeness, empathy
yearns for an elusive connection
feels emptiness and/or anxiety
senses that something is missing
may look to fill the emptiness in other relationships
often the pattern of emotional unavailability is repeated
suffers from lifelong inner loneliness if they cannot find healing
Next article: What are Narcissistic Parents - part 2
Love & Light,
Cara Deptula - Intuitive Energy Healer & Detox Coach
https://awakenyourbliss.wixsite.com/love
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