A narcissistic mother/father projects onto their child:
unwanted and denied traits of themselves
disliked traits of their own mothers/fathers
self-centeredness
firm resistance
selfishness
coldness
A narcissistic parent is emotionally unavailable because they are busy protecting their emotions. There is an absence of emotional comfort, closeness, tenderness and caring for their own children so the child yearns for empathy. Often the family is dysfunctional, turbulent and there is a lack of emotional closeness. Often they project emotional instability onto the child.
Sometimes there is a sense of love but then it disappears. The love isn’t consistent. This leads to the child feeling like the blanket could be pulled out from them at any moment. They learn to trust that they can NOT trust that love will be there when they need it. As adults they often pull away from relationships when they get too close to someone. Their ego goes into full blown protective mode. They are scared the love will leave so they put up walls and boundaries to keep themselves “safe”
When a narcissistic parent looks at their child, they only see a reflection of themselves. A narcissistic parent sees no separateness between themselves and their child. Since a narcissist is actually self-loathing, they can’t see that their child is a unique individual and worthy of love. Due to lack of boundaries, narcissistic parents see their children as threats to their own egos and as extensions of their own egos.
This self-loathing view of themselves compromises their ability to be a truly nurturing parent. Often narcissistic parents ignore and deny their own emotions so they certainly don’t know how to tend to a child’s emotions. This leaves the child feeling emotionally deprived.
Through direction and criticism, the narcissistic parent tries to shape their child into an idealized version of themselves. The parent often denies their own dependencies, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and insecurities so they often shame and belittle any sign of distress or weakness in their children. This is narcissistic abuse.
Next article: How Narcissistic Abuse Affects Children -part 3
Love & Light,
Cara Deptula - Intuitive Energy Healer & Detox Coach
https://awakenyourbliss.wixsite.com/love
Comments